句点

曾经是我最爱听的歌，没想到它们尽代表着我现在的心情。。
感觉有点讽刺，可笑。



是因为歉疚也好，还是可怜施舍也好，谢谢你那最后温柔坦白。

就像歌词一样，我已经把失去的当成了一种收获。。
我学会了坚强，领悟体会了许多事务。
不需再为我担心。。我会慢慢好起来的。。

送你最后一首歌。。


我们。。

不要再回头了。。

坦白的說謊

看了YouTube 上的评论让我对这首歌有了另一种领悟。
没必要隐瞒。念旧并不丢人。心痛也不等于软弱。一切的感受都是对自己的坦白。
清楚明白自己在你心中的重量。。轻于鸿毛。。
没关系。真的没关系。。
这点痛不算什么。。我很好。。我不在乎。。
一切都会好起来的。。
真的。。不骗人。。

Mummy dearest...

She made and brought me my favorite snacks..

Grocery shopping became our favorite activity together...

The fridge is no longer just ice cream and alcohol drinks. It is now filled with proper cooking ingredients...

and I have hot delicious home cooked food when I come home from work...

most importantly...I have someone to come home to...

Daddy mummy is leaving soon. One more night. How I wish they could stay a little while longer. 

If I ask really nicely, would you make my wish come true?

 *big wet eyes*Pweety pweese???

Chasing the Moon

Bunny: The moon was full a few days ago. You missed it.

Pig: It's okay. The moon is beautiful. Full or no full
=)

Me

I was told to listen to this song because it reminded her of me when she heard it. When I was listening and reading the lyrics, my heart sank. I thought to myself ‘why would a song like this remind you of me?’ In most of our conversations, she would always tell me to love myself more. Is there something wrong with me? Don’t I love myself enough?  

It does hurt to see you move on with someone you referred as only a friend. You promised nothing was going on and never will be. It hurts to know I was right, you lied. But it is okay. I am not sorry for trusting you. I have given what I was supposed to. 


The truth is, I haven’t moved on. I haven't been trying to. Crazily, I wan to stay in this state for as long as it lets me. Somehow, this is what my heart tells me to do. It just feels right. I need to do this for me. I need time for myself. 

Looking back, I realised I rushed into something too soon. Something I wasn't ready for. I have hoped that it would turn out to be something wonderful. I was wrong. Most importantly, I was already broken when it all started. I never knew how to love myself properly, or the people around me for that matter. 

This time round, I will do what I should have done. No more running from the past, no more diverting my attention to someone or something new. I will learn to heal what is broken, no matter how long it takes. I will dig deep to find who I really am or who I could be.  I want to be truly happy, even it is just by myself.  

I am in no rush to fall in love again. When that special moment arrives, I want it to begin for all the right reasons. A quote I really love - 'Never rush into love because even in fairytales the happy ending takes place only on the last page'.

p/s: I never meant to lead anybody on. I have said I only wanted friendship. If you feel that way, I apologize. Now you know how I truly feel. I need a friend more than anything right now. I would be grateful if you would remain my friend. 

p/p/s: I know I have said this many times, but what would I do without you. Thanks for being there for me and making me feel loved when everything is against me. I love you and thank you, all of you.

烟花

闪闪发亮。真让人着迷。。

结束后却只留下燃烧过的痕迹。一切的美都变得无影无踪。

如风能把回忆一起带走。那该有多好。。

Something magical

When Princess was a pup, she used to like storming out of the house whenever she had the chance. I chased like a mad woman while she ran around happily. So, every time I open the door, I would block the bottom part of the opening with my leg so she couldn't run out. Also, leash is a must whenever I plan to take her outside.

Today I took her out for her usual daily walk. I left the leash in the car so I thought it would be fine to let her walk out the house while I get the leash. She slowly walked towards the park and stopped to look at me when I called out to her. A second later, she turned her head and started running. At that moment, I thought to myself  'Why oh why did I think it was a good idea to let her out without her leash? How long would it take this time to get her home??!!!!?'

I tried calling out to her while she did her normal routine - sniff sniff pee pee - but she ignored me. After a few more sniffing, I called out to her again. This time, she RAN TOWARDS ME AND LET ME TOUCH HER!! She was in my hands and I could have put the leash back on her!!! BUT. I. DIDN'T. I thought it is time I trust her and let her run free. I walked by myself while she ran a little bit more around the park. I then slowly made my way home. Guess what? She FOLLOWED ME, RAN HOME AND WAITED AT THE DOOR!!!!

I couldn't believe my eyes! It was seriously a special moment!!! She did all these naturally on her own!!! I am soo sooooo sooooo SOOOOOOOOOO proud of her!!!

This reminded  me of the saying 'love and care and expect nothing in return. The person/dog in this case who receive them will learn to love you back in their own ways eventually'. Okay fine I made this up but hey, it  makes perfect sense right?? =P

Also, thank you guys for caring when you saw the emo facebook comment. Life is not always perfect, but I do think it is the appreciation of these little things/gestures that make everything wonderful again. =) xoxo

Relationship 4 Cs?

If you are wondering, 4Cs do not refer to Cash, Credit Card, Car and Condominium. They are about something deeper...so, hear me out...*serious face*

WARNING: Verbal diarrhea ahead

After being around for almost a quarter of a century, I found that different people have different interpretation for love and relationship.  I guess everyone has their own unique way of defining and showing what they really mean. No right or wrong. If it works for you and your partner - it is the right way.

To me, the essence of love and relationship is the commitment between two people. I have always believed that if you loved enough, cared enough, you would do anything to make things work. Be it if it requires you to change or compromise in some ways. It doesn't mean you are no longer yourself, but a new you that fits right in with your partner's life, personality and needs. 

Commitment also comes with a promise. A promise that no matter what happens, good or bad, we will still have each other and everything will still be fine. This is a promise that gives people hope and confidence even though the future seems uncertain. Once decided that both are here to stay, everything else will just fall into place with a little pinch of long hour talks, discussions, fights and compromise.  

To me, fighting/disagreeing with each other is just part of being together. We can fight as much as we want, disagree with anything and everything if we must, but the most important thing is, we remain intact at the end of the bumpy road. As long as we stay within the boundaries of respect and moderation and are not fighting over the same things again and again, but making progress and see good changes within each other, who is to say that fights/disagreements are bad? The important thing is we forgive, forget and we move on, hand in hand. 

Commitment, communication, compromise and change. Any one of these missing, I seriously doubt a relationship would work. So as to a start of a promising relationship, besides having the right chemistry on your first date, having the right guy who is willing to invest his time and emotions into all four Cs are equally important.

At this moment, all I can say is I am envious. Envious of all  the loving couples that have found their best friend. Someone that they can count on to be there for better or for worse. This I find, is the most difficult and precious thing to have. 

I guess timing too plays a major part in this whole cupid business. You can be as ready as you can be, throw in as much effort, time and love as you want, but if your partner doesn't feel the same, well, you are screwed. If he/she is not willing to make an effort to make things work, I guess there is only one solution - Bubye!

You can agree or disagree with my mumbo jumbo, but this is my take on the whole thing. If you have a different view on this,  by all means talk to me, make me understand. This is what relationship is all about anyway.

Time to go back to my series studies...hopefully more for you to read next time!

Tears

Whenever I feel trapped...
Whenever I feel the pain is unbearable...
Whenever I feel that life is meaningless...

At least I know my tears will take the pain away...even it is only temporary...

Cookie

Cookie's been missing for 4 days now.....and there is still no news of his whereabouts...

Should I start accepting the fact that he is gone...?

......that I will never see him again?

......that I have failed him?

I failed as his owner, his friend and his family....

It feels as if I'm in no position to wish for him to come home...as I wasn't there to take care of him for the past 4 years...







I just want him home safely....

实

以为这次会不一样，但结局始终没变。。
熟悉的心痛，说什么也没用。。
都怪自己，相信你的承诺。。
笑我太笨。。太天真。。
又一次自己收拾眼泪。。
回到一个人的明天。。

寂寞寂寞就好 Ji Mo Ji Mo Jiu Hao - 田馥甄

还是原来那个我
hai shi yuan lai na ge wo
不过流掉几公升泪所以变瘦
bu guo liu diao ji gong shen lei suo yi bian shou
对着镜子我承诺
dui zhe jing zi wo cheng nuo
迟早我会还这张脸一堆笑容
chi zao wo hui hai zhe zhang lian yi tui xiang rong
不算什么 爱错就爱错
bu xuan shen me ai cuo jiu ai cuo
早点认错 早一点解脱
zao dian ren cuo zao yi dian jie duo
我寂寞寂寞就好
wo ji mo ji mo jiu hao
这时候谁都别来安慰 拥抱
zhe shi hou shei dou bie lai an wei yong bao
就让我一个人去痛到
jiu rang wo yi ge ren qu tong dao
受不了想到 快疯掉 死不了就还好
shou bu liao xiang dao kuai feng diao si bu liao jiu hai hao
我寂寞寂寞就好
wo ji mo ji mo jiu hao
你真的不用来我回忆里微笑
ni zhen de bu yong lai wo hui yi li wei xiao
我就不相信我会笨到
wo jiu bu xiang xing wo hui ben dao
忘不了赖着 不放掉
wang bu liao lai zhe bu fang diao
人本来就寂寞的 借来的都该还掉
ren ben lai jiu ji mo de jie lai de dou gai huan diao
我总会把你戒掉 Oh WU Oh
wo zhong hui ba ni jie diao oh wu oh
还是原来那个你
hai shi yuan lai na ge ni
是我自己做梦你又改变什么
shi wo zi ji zuo meng ni you gai bian shen me
再多的爱也没用
zai duo de ai ye mei yong
每个人要每个人的孽障因果
mei ge ren yao mei ge ren de nie zhang
会有什么 什么都没有
hui you shen me shen me dou mei you
早点看破 才看得见以后 OH
zao dian kan po cai kan de jian yi hou OH
我寂寞寂寞就好
wo ji mo ji mo jiu hao
这时候谁来都别来安慰拥抱
zhe shi hou jing lai dou bie lai an wei yong bao
就让我一个人去痛到
jiu rang wo yi ge ren tong dao
受不了想到快疯掉 死不了就还好
shou bu liao xiang dao kuai feng diao si bu liao jiu hai hao
我寂寞寂寞就好
wo ji mo ji mo jiu hao
你真的不用来我回忆里微笑
ni zhen de bu yong lai wo hui yi li wei xiao
我就不相信我会笨到
wo jiu bu xiang xing wo hui ben dao
忘不了赖着 不放掉
wang bu liao lai zhe bu fang diao
人本来就寂寞的 我总会把你戒掉

ren ben lai jiu ji mo de wo zhong hui ba ni jie diao

Happy 10.10.10

Life is no movie

I had friends wishing me happy 10.10.10 today. My first reaction was, what is there to celebrate?

A friend then answered ‘Becuse today is special.’

So I thought for awhile and realised today is indeed a special day.

After midnight, we will never see another 10.10.10 again.

It reminds me of the regrets that we all have. I'm sure all of us have something that we wish we did or didn't do in the past. We don't always get second chances in real life.

Life is cruel like this I guess.

Reminds me of my favorite quote about life:
Life sucks.
Shit happens.
Life goes on.

How cool would it be if we had a replay and rewind button for everything.

On a happier note, though we will never have another 10.10.10 again, who knows maybe the coming  11.11.11, 12.12.12........would be more interesting and better than what we had today.

Life is interesting and full of surprises like this too. =)

Your very own fairy tale

A really close friend said something today (out of the blue) which surprised me.

He said something along the lines: Don’t waste time on relationship which won’t end up good.

In other words, don't be stupid!

He watched me fell in love, bruised, broken, and then recovered, countless times.

He was somewhat like a brother telling me to take care and he hates seeing me like this.

He sounded worried.

Then everything sort of came back to me. The conversation sounded familiar. That's right, he wasn't the first to say that to me.

I never thought that I was making people who cared for me worried all these while.

It really got me thinking.

I knew exactly what I wanted when I was younger. But as time passes, I have no idea what is right for me anymore.

Sometimes when we are growing up, we just lose what we once knew. We forget how some things are important even if it’s the tiniest thing ever.

I can list down a whole list of criteria a guy has to have, but at the same time, am I worthy of all the things that I ask for?

Everything failed for a reason. No one's perfect.

I am learning.

I wish I was a fast learner, but I guess I'll just have to take baby steps for this one.

Anyways, I believe the right guy will come when the time is right (when both of us are ready) and then sweeps me off my feet like how they described it in the story books.

You can't make someone love you but you can definitely make yourself lovable. =)

So while my prince charming is loading his GPS tracking me, I'll just have to work on the lovable part! =D

I do think we all have our very own Fairy Tale written just for us.

We just have to grab it, cherish it, and keep it, for as long as we can, while we can.

I'm sorry for being such a pain..I didn't mean to make anybody worried...but as you can see...I have the plan all worked out. well...Sort of...=P

-End-

Finally!! Something for you to read HAHA


xoxo

P/s: Gen die die want me to talk about her! She's upset coz she's been telling me this too but I didn't blog about her!! AHAHAHA NOW YOU HAPPY????? stupid!

Rock Bottom

You know you have reached rock bottom when you feel no emotions, no sadness, and no pain.

You feel numb.

All you feel is peace and calmness.

This is exactly what I am looking for.

I am ready to move forward now.

Future....ready or not...

HERE I COME!

My thoughts...

Sorry for neglecting my blog lately. Now that I am back to the all so exciting kampung, it’s back to blogging days. Speaking of which, I don’t have anything that I want to blog about. I don’t know, I have so many things stuck inside my head, but I just don’t feel like talking about it right now.

Erm okay I think I should just write something off the top of my head.

I miss Penang. I remember the first time I left for Australia, I cried. I didn’t want to leave because I was terrified of being alone in a new place. I cried because I didn’t want things to change. I was comfortable with how I was and didn’t mind to study at a local University.

After years of coming back and forth, I got used to saying goodbye to family and friends. They got used to me leaving too.

However, things changed this time. I got really emotional when I was about to leave. I got so attached to everyone back home. I was attached before but never this strong. It was strange because this feeling is weird. It’s not like I’ve never done this before. I’ve been doing this for years but why do I feel like shit right now?

Just between you and me (not exactly I know this is a public blog but you know what I mean) I cried like a baby the night before I was leaving and on the day too. I couldn’t hold onto my tears when I hugged my friends. I burst into tears even if I try not to. I was not just teary...I was sobbing.

This time I didn’t cry because I was afraid, but because I truly will miss my friends very very much and I don’t want to leave them. I feel like our friendship changed from good friends to best friends to feeling like a family. We used to talk about anything and everything but this time we talked about more important and serious topics, talked about feelings and emotions, there were no secrets kept unsaid and there was nothing we couldn’t tell each other. I feel special. How many of us have found our soul mates? I am blessed, because I found mine.

There are no words that can quite express my gratitude towards what you guys have given me. Thank you all for the sweet and encouraging words. Thanks for the phone calls (Sorry for crying over phone when we talked) and messages to check if I was doing okay.

I will be strong, I will take good care of myself, I won’t make you worry, I promise. I miss you guys already. I really do. I will see you real soon. Take care all and all the best.
Love you, miss you, my BFFs.